Below is a list of helpful resources which have been sorted by different types of loss. We hope you will find words of comfort and guidance within the selection we have offered.
Memory Sharing – Gather you family and friends (virtually/online) and ask each to share a memory of your loved one. Take turns telling your stories and feelings about your special person. Pick one characteristic that each person really identified with you loved one. End the session with a moment of silence in which family/friends are invited to send loving thoughts to your loved one.
Create Comfort Stones – Take a walk (following safe distance guidelines) and collect small, smooth stones. Using a permanent marker, write your favorite things about your loved one or maybe things he/she would often say, or maybe I love you – I miss you.
Cook Your Loved One’s Favorite Foods – Create a meal using ingredients that your love one enjoyed the most. Perhaps make a special seat at the dinner table for your loved one.
Create a Playlist – Use a collection of your loved one’s favorite songs and share with friends and family.
Light a Candle – and perhaps ask family and friends to light a candle: In Remembrance. In Hope.
Create a Stamp – You can upload a photo and create a stamp that can be legally used to mail letters. http://www.photostamps.com
Make a Facebook Memorial Page – Invite others to share stories and photos of your loved one. Consider a memory board on Pinterest or post favorite photos on Instagram.
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Children/Teens and Grief
A powerful video resource for those who are moving through childhood bereavement
An iPad app for grieving children
National Alliance for Grieving Children
Support for grieving childrenThe Dougy Center
Safe and supportive place for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving a deathThe Donald C. Liu SLAP’D Foundation
Social media for teens to connect through the shared experience of parent lossGriefNet
Has a forum for online teen grief supportGrief.com
Videos and resources to help with grief including children & griefKIDSAID
Grief support specifically for children and adolescentsWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportChill and Spill
Art therapy based grief journal for children 11+A Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.https://www.newyorklife.com/foundation/kais-journey
The New York Life Foundation has released the first installment of Kai’s Journey, The Golden Sweater, a :60 animated film and free downloadable children’s book along with a discussion guide for families at www.goldensweater.org. This story chronicles a child’s journey through loss, grief, resiliency and healing. We are proud to share this tool that can be used to discuss the important, yet very difficult, topic of death with children, especially during this time. For every download of the book, the New York Life Foundation will donate $1.00 to support organizations like the National Alliance for Grieving Children, to support grieving children and families plus other childhood bereavement organizations, including Eluna, Comfort Zone, and TAPS, up to $175,000.
Sesame Street
Video to help young children understand death of a loved oneHopes Heroes
Video to help young children understand tissue donationThe Cove Center
Connecticut
1-800-750-2683The Children’s Room
Massachusetts
1-781-641-4741Comfort Zone Camp
Massachusetts
1-866-488-5679The Center for Grieving Children
Maine
1-207-775-5216Friends Way
Rhode Island
1-401-921-0980https://indd.adobe.com/view/924b5436-fca0-4a15-901a-9233134766e4
Responding to Change & Loss – A printable booklet for parents/caregivers to support children & teens. Created by the National Alliance for Grieving Children
The Next Place by Warren Hanson
Waldman House Press, 1997Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen
Michelle Anderson Publishing, 1983My Grieving Journey Book by Donna and Eve Shavatt
Paulist Press, 2001 -
Loss of a Child
Offers parents comprehensive bereavement care
The Compassionate Friends
Support for loss of a child at any ageBereaved Parents of the USA
Loss of a childA Bed for My Heart
Loss of a childOpen to Hope
General grief site with information on loss of a childGrief.com
Videos and resources to help with grief, including loss of a childBabySteps
Recommended readings on child loss, with links to resourcesAlive Alone
Support for parents whose only child or all children have died.What’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child by Ellen Mitchell
St. Martin’s Press, 2004, revised 2009The Death of a Child by Elaine E. Stillwell
ACTA Publications, 2004The Worst Loss: How families heal from the death of a child by Barbara D. Rosof
Henry Holt & Co., 1994 -
Loss of a Parent
Open to Hope
General grief support including loss of a parentGrieving.com
Support for many types of grief, including a forum for loss of a parentGriefNet
Online grief support groupsWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman
Publisher Da Capo Press, 2014When Parents Die by Edward Myers
Penguin Books, 1997Nobody’s Child Anymore by Barbara Bartocci
Sorin Books, 2000The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents by Alexander Levy
Perseus Publishing, 1999 -
Loss of a Spouse
AARP – Grief and Loss Article
Articles, support and resources for coping with the loss of spouse or partner. Online discussions with others who have experienced this loss.WidowNet
Self-help support for those who have lost a spouse or life partner. Message boards, chat rooms and public forums. Suggested readings and education on topics relevant to loss of spouse.The Centre for the Grief Journey
Comprehensive grief support online, including loss of a spouseWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.The Tender Scar: Life After the Death of a Spouse by Richard Mabry
Kregel Publications 2006A Widow’s Story by Joyce Carol Oates
The Ontario Review, Inc, 2011 -
Loss of a Sibling
What’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.Surviving the Death of a Sibling by T. J. Wray
Three Rivers Press, 2003Sibling Grief: Healing After the Death of a Sister or Brother by P. Gill White
iUniverse, 2006 -
Loss of a Friend
What’s Your Grief – When Your Best Friend Dies Article
Grief support for when your best friend diesFriendGrief
Support for grieving the loss of a friendWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.Losing Your Best Friend by Frosty Wooldridge
Publisher AuthorHouse, 2010Grieving the Death of a Friend by Harold Ivan Smith
Augsburg Fortress, 1996 -
Death by Suicide
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Information and education about suicide, links to resources and survivor stories.Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)
Education about depression, suicide and suicide prevention. Recommended reading list and links to other resources.Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
Information for suicide survivors along with a 24/7 forum for survivors to connect with one another to share their thoughts and stories.Friends for Survival
National outreach organization available to those grieving a suicide death.HEARTBEAT
A mutual support website offering empathy, comfort and more to suicide survivors.Parents of Suicide – Friends of Suicide
Parents of suicide and friends and families of suicide support.Suicide: Finding Hope
Informative site dealing with many sides of suicideWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One by Carla Fine
Publisher Broadway Books 1997Touched by Suicide Hope and Healing After Loss by Michael F. Myers, M.D. and Carla Fine
Published by Penguin Group 2006A Grief Like No Other by Kathleen O’Hara, MA
Marlowe & Company, 2007Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide by Christopher Lukas & Henry M. Seiden
Jessica Kinglsey Publishers, 2007 -
Death by Homicide
The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children
Parents of murdered children. National organization with message boards, support services, legal tips and advice from experts regarding autopsies, investigations, media coverage, etc.VictimConnect
Informative site which also discusses grief reactions to homicide loss.Grief.com – Grief after a Murder
Helpful site for homicide lossWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportA Network for Grateful Living – Light a Candle
Light a Candle is a unique concept that has pages of candles that people can “light” and attach a person’s name, along with reason a candle is being lit for them.Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss by Homicide by Lynda Cheldelin Fell, Donna R. Gore M.A. and Nicola Belisle Publisher AlyBlue Media, LLC 2016
A Grief Like No Other by Kathleen O’Hara, MA
Marlowe & Company, 2007 -
General Grief Resources
https://whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief-2/
7 Types of Grief You Should Know Right Now
Free Monthly Support Group – Attleboro Falls, MA
Dyer-Lake Funeral Home located in Attleboro Falls, MA offers a free monthly support group for the public.
Checklist of Tasks After the Death of a Family Member of Friend
A document to help you stay organized as you move through the first few weeks to months following a loss
Research based article focusing on how grief may affect one’s sleep
The Centre for the Grief Journey
Comprehensive grief support onlineOpen to Hope
Has a mission to help people find hope after lossHopeful Transitions
Provides grief resources and videosGrief.com
Videos and resources to help with griefGriefNet
Online grief support groupsGrieving.com
Support for many types of lossHello Grief
A place to share and learn about grief and lossRefuge in Grief
Loss support, “emotionally intelligent grief support”Journey of Hearts
An online healing place for anyone grieving a lossRecover-from-grief.com
General grief supportThe Grief Toolbox
General grief supportNavigating Grief
General grief supportWhat’s Your Grief
Informative grief discussions and supportGrief Stories
Personal storytelling in a virtual way.Transformative Grief
General grief supportGrief Digest Magazine
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing resources for the bereaved.Grieving: A Beginners Guide by Jerusha Hull McCormack
Paraclete Press, 2006I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can by Linda Feinberg
New Horizon Press, 2013Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone, PhD
The Experiment, LLC, 2017Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving by Gary Roe
2016 -
News Articles featuring Donation Stories
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Holiday Resources
Article of the Month- April 2024
The Paradoxical Grief of Anticipated Sudden Death
UNDERSTANDING GRIEF : LITSA
/Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about a grief phenomenon that I know is felt by many but doesn’t seem to get much airtime. It’s something I experienced in three significant losses in my life, something I’ve heard described by countless grievers over my years as a grief therapist, and yet it doesn’t really have a name in grief research and literature. I’m speaking about the grief that comes at the intersection of a loss that is simultaneously anticipated but nevertheless still sudden and shocking.
Perhaps just reading that last sentence offers insight into why that type of grief and loss remains in the shadows. It’s not easy to explain; it sounds downright contradictory. We know what anticipatory grief is – there have been volumes written about it and research papers abound. Anyone who has had a family member or friend in hospice care knows what it means to anticipate a death and feel the grief that emerges before the end comes.
And most of us are also well aware of what sudden and shocking death means and the unique aspects of the grief that follows.
The loss and grief I’m trying to talk about, it somehow manages to be both of these things. It’s a paradox. But like many paradoxes, it’s a situation that seems contradictory at first, but deep down, it reveals a more profound truth. In this case, the (sometimes revelatory) realization is that in grief, anticipation and shock can co-occur. You can both prepare for the possibility of a death while also having that death be completely shocking and sudden when it arrives.
How Anticipated-Sudden Death Shows Up
In Illness
There is a long list of situations that can create this type of loss, and if you know you know. But in case this feels abstract, I’ll start with some examples from my own life. When I was a teenager my dad was diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness. We were very aware of the inevitability that without a bone marrow transplant, he would die. But not long after being listed, while still very much still himself and not outwardly sick, he died suddenly of a rapid infection. It hit us like a ton of bricks. Yes, we knew all too well that he was sick. But the death also felt unimaginably sudden and shocking.
In Older Adults
Just a few years later, my 93-year-old grandmother died. Society loves to minimize the deaths of older people. So you’re not alone if your first thought in reading that sentence was “the death of a 93-year-old can’t be shocking!”. I assure you, it can. I remember well just a couple of days after her death when I bumped into the young couple who lived next door to my grandmother. When I shared the news they both gasped. The husband exclaimed, “but she was just out here raking leaves last week!”. They were even more shocked to learn her age – they’d assumed she was in her seventies.
My grandmother was 93, but she’d lived alone in her own home, completely independently, for thirty years. She worked a part-time job to stay busy into her eighties. She still drove and went to the gym and played bridge several nights per week. We knew her age. We’d of course anticipated that at her age death could come at any time – especially in the wake of my dad’s death. But it was also blindsiding – there was no prolonged illness, no time to process the reality before it came.
In Addiction
Several years later, in the early days of the opioid epidemic, my sister’s partner was battling a heroin addiction. If you have ever loved someone with an addiction, you know that feeling that every call might be the worst. In some ways, my life felt defined by the knowledge that an overdose could happen at any time – trying to prevent it and brace for it all at once. And though we lived in that fear every day, the shock still shook me to the core. It felt unbelievable when it happened, so much that I wondered if I’d ever anticipated it at all.
The Guilt of Anticipation
A silent struggle in this paradox, one that I suspect keeps it less discussed, is the guilt that comes with anticipating these types of losses. When someone’s illness is terminal, if there are no further treatment options, part of the anticipation is acknowledging that there is no more hope for survival. Hospice professionals normalize the ways the brain starts to accommodate the reality of the impending loss and complicated feelings, like the relief, that often follow.
Unfortunately, we often conflate anticipation of possible death with resigning ourselves to the inevitability of that death. The assumption that anticipating means giving up hope makes people reticent to allow themselves to feel and acknowledge that anticipation. The shame leaves people struggling to sit with it, mention it, or process it. This guilt-driven silence sets the stage for shock to hit even harder when the anticipated-sudden loss finally comes. But this anticipation is normal and natural. It isn’t a sign we’ve lost hope. It is our amazing ability to fully hold hope alongside anticipation of potential death that makes these losses so disorienting.
Give Grief Words
On the one hand, we’re always cautious of labels and categories when it comes to grief. So often grief exists in shades of gray. And at the same time, without the words to describe the unique experiences of loss, people often find themselves struggling to find language for them, wondering if they are alone in their grief. I cannot count the number of times someone has shared their relief to learn a term like anticipatory grief, ambiguous grief, disenfranchised grief, or suffocated grief because it gave name to something they’d assumed was abnormal or unique to them. Labels can remind us that, though there are no universals in grief, there are many common and shared experiences.
Proposing a New Term: Paradoxical Grief
Why call it “Paradoxical Grief”? Well, the word “paradox” perfectly captures the mix of seemingly conflicting emotions. It’s like preparing for a loss and still getting blindsided by it, all coexisting. By putting a name to this experience, we give people the power to express their feelings, creating a community of understanding, and spaces to research.
Paradoxical grief comes with its own set of experiences – sharing these commonalities helps break down the walls of isolation, creating a supportive space for those grappling with paradoxical grief. Anticipation doesn’t erase shock, and shock doesn’t wipe out the impact of anticipation. This dialectic speaks to the intricate nature of grief, challenging our preconceived notions and inviting a more nuanced conversation about loss.
Importantly, this experience isn’t simply a little bit of anticipatory grief mixed with a little bit of sudden, unexpected loss. The combination of those things creates something unique. The confusion and dissonance of feeling things that seem contradictory adds their own dimension to grief, a dimension that can be hard to explain to others.